Not a Quitter

I love writing and blogging. I have a kazillion ideas on what to blog about but life is just a little crazy with a 2 1/2 year old ALL BOY son and a 3 month old daughter...not to mention work, everyday life, and a super busy husband. Having said that, I'm making time to do it today.

I started CrossFit about 7 weeks ago. Three times a week for roughly an hour. I've missed several times because of the flu, kids being sick, and the holidays, but I've tried pretty hard to go. It's a beating. I mean, a real beating. Not only did I start at 7 weeks post partum, but I'm also out of shape. I was an athlete growing up and loved the Elliptical in college, did some walking/running/Zumba pre and post Grant, but CrossFit is in a league of it's own.

We do Olympic style weight lifting, all sort of body weight exercises, running, different weights...I think it's a military/law enforcement type regimen. Not gonna lie...I feel pretty Bad A when I'm done, even though I feel like I'm on the verge of death while doing it.

Here's a little bit about myself. If I'm not really good at something, I normally either don't do it. Or I quit. It's a bad trait of mine. This workout...I come in last a lot. Or second or third to last. I can't do all of the exercises in 100% proper form. I have to modify some. And I totally hate running. Like, with a passion.

But I'm not quitting.

Even though I don't look quite like a contestant, I feel like I'm on the Biggest Loser, struggling to finish at the back of the pack. And I don't like that feeling. Sometimes it drives me to push myself harder. Sometimes I want to quit and save face. But I'm not letting myself do that this time.

I'm putting myself out there. I feel vulnerable. I feel inadequate. I feel silly. I'm frustrated that it's so stinkin' hard for me. But I'm not quitting.

I want to feel victorious. I don't want to be at the back of the pack anymore. I'll get there one day. I know I will. But if I quit, I'll just have to start over, have the same physical pain and mental anguish. And I'm not going to do it.

This is a tough lesson for me. It's ok to not be the best. Or even good. Or even last. But man, I'm doing it. I'm putting myself out there and I'm going to conquer something that is really, really hard.

I don't know what you have out there to conquer. What you want to quit at because it's hard or you feel inadequate. But I'm telling you...DON'T. Like I'm going to beat CrossFit and my fears of sucking, you're going to beat your struggle, too. But if you quit, you'll never beat it and it will continue to be your struggle. A friend posted this on Facebook today and it rang really true to me.

"Dead Last Finish is greater than Did Not Finish, which trumps Did Not Start." - Anonymous