I've been thinking lately about the concept of grace. When it comes to other people, I feel like I'm almost always the first one to dish it out. Someone "messes" up...no worries. We all mess up. Hurt my feelings? I acknowledge it and forgive you. I'm not going to say I don't struggle with forgiveness or giving mercy or grace, I'm just saying that it's not the world's most difficult thing for me to do.
But extending grace to myself? Now that's a different story.
We all have a lot on our plates. At the time being, my super-sized dinner plate includes:
- a husband running for City Council
- a two-year-old
- an almost five-month-old (who breastfeeds)
- a job as an RN on a busy L&D floor 24-36 hours a week
- learning how to be a coordinator of a program for women who have had miscarriages, stillbirths, and infant death for our hospital
- attempting to lose a lot of baby weight via CrossFit
- being on several non-profit committees/boards
- keeping books (but Ben does most) for Ben's law practice
- AND trying to do things like be a loving, supportive wife and mother, an encouraging friend/sister/daughter
- not to mention trying to cook paleo meals, fold laundry, organize the house we are outgrowing, finish painting 3 separate projects that I started all while feeling guilty about not mastering the cute Easter project I pinned off of the beloved/dreaded PINTEREST.
I don't say those things to sound important. Really. I HATE busyness. (I saw a great saying: STOP THE GLORIFICATION OF BUSYNESS.) The things listed above are real life though. I have no doubt that you can relate whether our plates look identical or not.
I am constantly walking around, getting down on myself for not having the clothes folded or that Grant ate 2 PB&Js in one day. You know what I'd tell someone else who was struggling with keeping up? I'd be the first to say..."You are doing the BEST you can do right now. Jesus wants you as you are...nothing more and nothing less."
SO WHY IS IT THAT I CAN'T TELL MYSELF THAT?!
I CAN tell you that I know Jesus doesn't operate out of guilt. That He gently convicts when we have sinned but does not beat us into the ground to teach us a lesson. I also know that Satan knows where I struggle. That I'm a recovering perfectionist and one of the best ways to stump me is by making me feel not good enough.
"But He said to me, ' My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest in me." - 2 Corinthians 12:9
I DO know that when I rest in Him more, when I just sit in His presence and let Him love on me, I feel whole. I feel good enough. I feel loved. So today, I'm boasting in my weakness because He gives the best grace.