Thursday, May 19, 2011

Tales from the Maternity Ward

Last night at work, we got to laughing at about 4 a.m. via my expense. For starters, everything is funny at 4 a.m. However, I also tend to have a tendency to say funny things to patients at 4 a.m....when I'm not always thinking straight.

A few months ago, I took care of a patient after her hysterectomy. I had spent quite a bit of time with her throughout the shift...doing her assessment, managing her pain, teaching her how to straight catheterize herself. As the shift was about to end, I went into her room to tell her she would be getting a new nurse for the day and told her what she could expect in the next twelve hours.

As I was leaving her room, she said, "Happy Thanksgiving!" (because we were a few days from Thanksgiving).

Without missing a beat...or obviously thinking...I replied..."You too! Enjoy being uterus free!"

Really. Who says that. Enjoy being uterus free. I meant it. I'm not a fan of Aunt Flo. But what was I thinking.

Another funny story that frequently is told at my expense. It was my first week as a PCA (basically, a nurse's aid) on the Mother/Baby Unit. I had just left my job as a fundraiser with Children's Miracle Network where I planned events, corralled volunteers, and asked people for money and stepped into the world of blood pressure, catheters, and c-sections.

One of the RNs working that day said, "Meagan, would you mind getting so-and-so (name not included to prevent identification of a patient...and for me to keep my job :) into the shower?"

"Absolutely! I'd love to!" I said. Oh, was I eager to learn and help. It's the over-achiever in me.

I be-bopped down to the patient's room, helped her out of the bed since she had recently delivered via c-section, got her into the shower, and proceeded to wash her. It was my first experience ever scrubbing the back of a healthy adult whom I was not married to. She looked up at me and said, "This is nice. No one has ever bathed me before. Not even after my last baby."

"Oh my gosh," I thought. "All they wanted was for me to help her INTO the shower. Not BATHE her."

"I'm glad I can help," I told the patient with a smile on my face...trying to hide the fact that I was utterly humiliated and felt completely awkward.

After her scrub-down was complete, I step out of the bathroom...scrubs dripping wet, hair transformed from straight to curly via steam, and completely embarrassed...walk down the hall to where all of the nurses I was working with (and whom I had only met a few days ago) were sitting, and proceeded to tell them about my "shower."

Oh, how they laughed. And it was obviously a noteworthy story...because it's still told on a regular basis.

So, while I'm very proud of the job I do as a nurse and know that I give the best care I can to my patients, let me tell ya...I guess I'm a little bit of a goober when I do it. All I can hope is that I have a patient out there who is enjoying being "uterus-free" and one who equates her last c-section with a day at the spa.

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